Embracing Our Roles to Cultivate a Godly Marriage

I love my husband dearly. But like most couples, we are opposites in many ways. No matter how much we argued or discussed the areas we differed or wanted the other to be more like us, neither of us changed, because neither of us could change how God created us. Or the roles that God gave us.

Our Husband's Roles

"The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and protect it."  Genesis 2:15

God designed our husband to provide for his family. Yes, sometimes our lives demand that both husband and wife work. Or if there is no husband in the picture or he is not working, the woman must work to provide for her family. But if your husband is fulfilling his role of providing for his family, of bringing home a paycheck that pays your bills and puts food on the table, well then he is fulfilling his role as the provider.

And the second role Genesis 2:15 says the man is to protect his home and family. A husband fulfilling this role will have different ways of doing that. He may have ideas about how the budget should be spent so that the family will be protected financially and so no one will go hungry. He may have a particular way he wants something cared for in the home, so that he knows his family is living in a safe and clean home.

It's easy to have different expectations of how the home and your family will be cared for, and it can be easy for arguments or nagging to occur. But we must remember that God created our husbands to protect their home and they will have a different way of doing it than we would. God made him to take care of his family, to protect his family, and he has his own way of doing it. We must learn to not only support their way of protecting the home, but embrace it and appreciate our husband's desire to fight for and protect his family.

Reflection: How does your husband show he provides for and protects the family? How do you respond?

Our Role as Helpmeet

"The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

These men we married, our princes, our knights in shining armor, were not created to simply meet all our needs. Nope, they have quite a few of their own, and it is our role to help them. No longer do they work in the peaceful garden, they work out in the wild, where the work is hard and often unappreciated, where the stress is high and where there is sin and struggle. When our husbands come home, they are tired and want the home to be a place that is less stressful than work. To be a sanctuary after the wildness of their workplace.

They need our encouragement. They need us to pray over them. To make the house a safe place for them to come home to. They want to feel needed and respected and that we genuinely care about them and their needs. Our role is also stated in Titus 2:4-5.

Wives are to "love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands."

It comes naturally to us to love our children and be busy at home. But the other areas do not come naturally. They are ones we need to put in a little more effort for. The areas we need to be praying for in ourselves.

Proverbs 31:10-12 says "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."

Ask your husband what things are most important to him to be done around the home (it might surprise you!) and then be intentional about doing those things. Anything extra will be a nice bonus for him.

When you find little or big ways to show your husband you care about him and appreciate how hard he works for your family your husband will notice. And then your husband will know that not only are you a good wife, a loving wife, but also a wife who is fighting for him as much as he is fighting to provide for you. It will make him stand a little taller. Make him eager to come home and see you and his family. Make him more and more into the man God created him to be. Oh, what power we have as wives!! God gives us that power when we love, rather than try to change our husbands.

Practical Ways To Be Our Husband's Helpmeet

• When he comes home from work take a moment to give him a kiss or a hug and ask how his day went and tell him you're really glad he's home.
• Take time after the kids are in bed to talk about your marriage. Your heart. His heart. What you could be doing for each other to show each other you care.
• Finally tackle that project or errand your husband has asked you to do but you've been avoiding.
• Do the chores around the house that matter the most to him (and ask him what that is if you haven't already--his answer may just surprise you!)
• Reminisce about the good times.
• Hold hands.
• Kiss.
• Make love.
• Pray together.
• Give him an opportunity to pursue a hobby or passion of his he hasn't had a lot of time for lately.
• Give him a gift just because you love him.
• Pray over him before he goes to work.
• Write him a letter telling him how much you respect him.
• Plan and go on a date.

Reflection: How have you been your husband's helpmeet lately? What things could you do to show him you care?

When your life revolves around caring for your kids, the thought of doing even more seems daunting. Your husband is able to take care of himself, your children cannot. But that's not the truth. Our husbands desperately need us, even if they won't admit it. God knew they needed someone to help and encourage them, and so He made us.

The truth of the matter is, husbands and wives are both designed to need each other. Releasing your expectations you have for your spouse and embracing the way you and your husband love and serve your family, will be a great way to be united as a team and grow in your marriage.