I am the proud mama of two kiddos who happen to be on the autism spectrum, have speech delays/disorders, and sensory processing disorder. I’ve read articles and follow Facebook support groups for parents who have children with special needs. And in all the support groups I participate in, I see over and over questions about potty training.
So, I have to admit, I avoided potty training as long as possible for both my boys. Meaning, I didn’t even attempt potty training until they were each about 3 1/2 years old. I honestly didn’t expect success, but I was determined to give it my best shot. I found this three day potty training method that I decided to follow, and determined to stop procrastinating and bite the bullet and see if the kiddos were ready to potty train. Using this three day potty training method, my older son was indeed fully potty trained in three days, and my younger son took about three weeks to master it, using the exact same method. It may take your child longer than the promised 3 days, but it does indeed work with patience and consistency.
I’m not an expert in this whole potty training thing and your child and their needs. I just know that this is just what worked for us and I wanted to share it with you. Take what you think would be helpful for your child and make it work for you and them.
1) Wait until they’re ready. If I could only give one piece of potty training advice, this is it. Seriously. I keep seeing all those posts starting with “My son/daughter with ___ diagnosis is 2 and we’re working on potty training.” Starting at age 2 or 2 1/2 is (in my opinion) too early for a child who can’t communicate or who has diagnoses and delays. It takes a lot of body awareness to know when your child is going to the bathroom, when they have to go to the bathroom, etc that a lot of kids with sensory processing disorder just don’t have and may not have for years. Plus if they are lacking the strength and coordination to pull up and down underwear and pants that adds to the challenge as well.
You may be ready, but if they are not, then no matter how much you try you will not see success. Seriously, just wait until you believe they’re ready and you’ll save yourself a lot of frustration.
2) Dedicate a few days to work exclusively on potty training. I know our lives are busy and revolve around our childrens’ needs and their appointments, but I’ve found that just focusing exclusively on the skill of potty training, they pick up on it so much faster. And this is at the heart of the 3 day potty training method as well.
Choose a three day weekend, or cancel a few days of appointments and focus purposefully on just potty training. They may not be fully potty trained by the end of the three days, but this will lay a solid foundation for them regarding using the potty.
3) Have a way to communicate their need to go to the bathroom. If your child isn’t able to verbalize their need to go to the bathroom, we found using the American Sign Language sign for potty and all done very helpful. Maybe your child has a communication device or another way to communicate their needs. Make sure you provide them with a way to let you know they have to go and model the use of that sign/form of communication while talking to them about going potty.
4) Bare-bottomed seriously does work the best, especially if there is sensory issues. For both of my kiddos pull-ups/diapers were an invitation to go to the bathroom in them. For a lot of our children, they need to see and feel what is happening when they go to the bathroom. Yes, there will be messes to clean up, but the bonding time and time focused solely on going potty and making it a priority will make it worthwhile in the end.
I found it easiest to potty train my boys over the summer. There were usually less appointments and events to go to, and going around the house without pants was more comfortable during a hot summer than in the cold of winter.
5) If after two or three days you are not seeing any progress, don’t keep pushing it. Simply go back to diapers/pull ups and wait a few months and then try again. If they are making no progress, or showing no interest in sitting on the potty, do not push it. And don’t feel like you’ve failed if that happens. You did your best, your child is just not ready yet. Just wait a few months and you may experience more success and a lot less frustration when you try again.
6) Make it fun. Make it special. For both kiddos, we watched new movies together and ate popcorn and favorite snacks while they were potty training. I even gave them some special drinks to keep them hydrated (giving us extra opportunties to practice going to the bathroom in the potty.) We played together more than we normally would. I focused more time and attention on them, 1) because I wanted to be aware of when they were going to the bathroom, but also 2) I wanted them to feel it was a special bonding time and not just about potty training.
7) Celebrate every success. Lots of praise and affirmation. Tell them exactly what they did and how it made you feel. “Wow, you went pee pee in the potty like a big boy! Yay! I am so happy! I am so proud of you!” Give lots of hugs and high fives. And of couse, a sticker or prize or piece of candy is really helpful too.
8) Have them help clean up their accidents. Yeah, I know this may be somewhat controversial. But it seriously worked for my kiddos. I would tell them what they did: “Oh no, you had an accident. You went pee pee/poo poo on the floor/in your underwear instead of in the potty. I need you to help me clean it up.” I had each kiddo help me clean up accidents (and wash hands after of course) so they would experience a natural consequence for accidents, but without it feeling like a punishment. They were willing to help, but missed their reward and praise for going in the potty, as well as their ability to get right back to playing or watching their movie until everything was cleaned up. And this I believe gave them a greater incentive to use the potty next time.
9) Be consistent. Consistency and patience is key. I think the reason it took so much longer for my younger son to potty train than my older son is because he was able to use his potty chair at home but wasn’t comfortable using a toilet yet so I’d have him wear a pull up when we out places, or he’d have accidents during naptime/bedtime so he’d wear a pull up then. And honestly I got so tired of undressing and then dressing him all the time between appointments and sleeptime that I’d let him wear his pull ups sometimes when we were at home. This really slowed down his progress, because for him, a pull up was an invitation to go to the bathroom in them. All that to say, if you’re seeing progress, keep it going by being consistent, even if it does make more work for you for a short season.
10) Keep encouraging toward the next step. Once they’re going to the bathroom in the potty chair consistently, move on to the next step. Practice washing hands. Have them sit on the toilet rather than the potty chair. Add underwear and practice pulling them up and down. Once that’s mastered, add pants/shorts. Practice wiping and flushing. Once they’re trained at home, have them go potty in public places. Keep slowly yet steadily moving forward. Be consistent! And again, celebrate each step.
Bonus Tip: Reward yourself. Seriously. This potty training thing is no joke. The kids get praise and a reward for going potty, why can’t we get one (or a few?) for working so diligently with them? So once one of my kiddos was fully potty trained, Hubster watched the kiddos while I went on a kid-free shopping spree to Kohls and Barnes & Noble to add to my wardrobe and book collection and get myself a specialty coffee. You deserve a little something for you.
And speaking of books, if you’re a Christian mother of a child with special needs looking for some faith-based hope and encouragement, I recommend you check out this book.
I hope you found some tips you can use. Patience and consistency go a long way! Happy potty training!!