The Sacred Art of Writing Through Grief

Whether we want it to or not, we all will go through hard things in life. Grief will come in some form or another, whether it be the loss of a loved one, the loss of a dream or expectation or relationship, or a diagnosis that changes everything. You know what your hard story is, and it can be shattering. All consuming. And eventually, you’ll want something good to come of it. Or you’ll feel God calling you to share words of hope and healing to help others on a similar journey.

I’m not a psychologist or expert on this matter. I’m simply a woman who has experienced a hard story of my own: Both of my boys received multiple diagnoses that would change the trajectory of our lives. I struggled with anxiety and depression while taking my kids to their numerous speech and physical therapy appointments. I questioned God’s goodness in this journey.

But before long, God whispered a word to my grieving, anxious heart that changed everything for me: Embrace.

This idea of embracing this special life, embracing our children, embracing God even in the hard places and circumstances changed everything for me. And before long, I felt God calling me to write the words I was learning to encourage other special needs moms about it, and it turned into my book Embracing This Special Life.

While learning to embrace this special life, I really struggled with prayer. How do we pray when we’re grieving? When we’re discouraged because we’re not seeing God move in our prayers?

Again, God met me in my questions and my discouragement and began teaching me so much about prayer, specifically praying Scripture, that it led to my second book, On the Same Page with God.

God meets us in our hard stories and comforts and teaches us so that we can then share what we’ve been learning to comfort and teach others around us. He redeems our hard stories, allowing us to share what we’ve learned and help others find hope and healing in their own stories.

It generally unfolds in this pattern:

1st Stage: Grief and God’s Grace

This stage is set in motion when something hard or unexpected happens that changes life as you know it. You will find yourself in survival mode, pushing your emotions aside to keep putting one foot in front of the other, taking care of your family’s basic needs. You may cry but then quickly wipe away your tears because someone or something needs your time and attention. You may avoid your feelings by turning to food or to TV shows or to something that brings you comfort and keeps you from thinking too much and helps you numb the pain.

During this time, you won’t be doing any writing. And that’s ok. You’re grieving and simply trying to learn to survive in your new normal. Grief is healthy. Natural. Necessary.

During this time, grace will be key to your survival. Grace toward yourself, giving yourself the care and the space you need to grieve. And grace from our Heavenly Father. He is with us in the hard times. He is longing to offer His peace, His comfort, and His strength to you in this time.

Embrace the grace and the God who sees you.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

Biblical Example: Like Hagar in Genesis 16 who found herself alone, grieving, and pregnant, God showed up for her in her grief and gave her grace. He didn’t change her circumstances but He did provide her what she truly needed in her hard story. He called her by name, fully aware of who she was and the pain she carried. He comforted her with a promise in her pain: that her descendants would be plentiful. He saw her deepest need—to be seen, loved, and comforted—and she received that, naming God El-Roi, “the God who sees me”. He heard her prayers, which led to her naming her son Ishmael, which means “God hears”.

2nd Stage: Pouring Out Your Heart to God

You will find yourself working your way through the stages of grief, but you’re no longer in survival mode. Now you’re in processing mode. You long to understand the purpose for your pain. You seek comfort and healing for your hurting heart.

There is a healing power in processing your pain on paper. You may find yourself journaling. Or writing a letter to your loved one or to God pouring your heart onto the paper. Your words may be full of honest emotions and questions and that’s ok. God can handle them, and He wants you to share them with Him. It’s not healthy to keep them stuffed inside. This is good. It is healthy to get those emotions out, to process them, rather than stuff them.

While the words flow out, so too may tears or emotions. When we write out our prayers or write a letter to God, we are pouring out our hearts to Him. The page becomes an altar, our pen becomes an offering, and our open hearts are ready for God’s healing work and His lavish love to meet us right there.

“Pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord.” (Lamentations 2:19)

Biblical Example: King David knew the power of lament: pouring out his questions and his grief to God in his psalms, getting out those thoughts, words, emotions, and even tears. But then while writing his psalm, his tone would suddenly shift and he would end his psalm declaring how he trusted in the Lord. David is a beautiful example to follow of writing in pain, of pouring out our honest thoughts and doubts and also of courageously confessing our faith and trust in Him despite the hard circumstances we find ourselves in.

3rd Stage: Called to Write for Others

After you’ve had time to process your thoughts and feelings, you will find you have entered the final stage of grief—acceptance. Before long you will feel a need to share your journey and your challenges and your victories with others who are experiencing a similar hard story. You will want to share your journey with others, to help others not feel so alone, to encourage others, or simply because you feel called to do so, though it requires a scary amount of vulnerability and obedience to do so.

You will want to write to encourage and strengthen others with your own story and the lessons you are learning. Tears may come out as you write, but they are no longer hurt angry tears, but rather tears of healing. You are able to see God’s faithfulness and His fingerprints all over your story, and you feel called to share this testimony with others. Perhaps your story and your words can help someone in a similar situation.

“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)

Biblical Example: Paul prayed repeatedly that God would remove a thorn from his flesh. God didn’t heal him, instead saying “My grace is sufficient for you.” Before long, that was true of Paul. He began writing letter after letter of God’s amazing grace and how it truly was all he needed. It became the message He knew He had to share with as many people as possible.

4th Stage: Vulnerably Sharing Your Story with Truth and Grace

In this final stage—although you will find yourself cycling through the various stages of grief from time to time—you know that you are living life again. You are leaning into the hope and the healing you have found along your journey. And you want to share that hope and healing with others.

I heard someone say that a good writer or teacher shares what they wish they knew at least three years ago. Maybe that means you need to be three or more years removed from your greatest grief to have words of hope and healing to share about it. But whether you wait that long or not, write the words of Truth you learned during your journey that you are feeling called to share with others.

Write the truth that brought you into the path of healing. Write the Scriptures that encouraged and pushed and convicted you toward healing and wholeness. Share your stories with vulnerability—the hurt, the heartbreak, but also the healing.

Write with grace, reminding people of God’s grace toward us. But also write with grace toward yourself. And write with grace about others who may be a painful part of your hard story if you called to share those stories.

In Ephesians 4:15 we are encouraged to “speak the truth in love.” Share your words and your stories with grace, reminding your readers of the love and the faithfulness of God and the hope we have through Him. Let them know hope and healing is possible, because we have a faithful God of hope who wants us to be filled with hope, joy, and peace (Romans 15:3).

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” (2 Corinthians 1:4)

Biblical Example: Jesus came “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). That fullness shaped not only who He was, but how He spoke. He did not avoid hard truths, nor did He wield them like weapons. He named sin clearly and called people toward the kingdom of God, yet He did so with words that restored, not crushed.

Jesus understood the hearts before Him. He knew when to tell a story, when to challenge, when to comfort, when to ask questions, and when to extend mercy. He spoke the very words each person most needed in order to turn toward the Father.

As we write, may we follow in His footsteps. May we refuse both harshness and compromise. May we speak honestly about sin, suffering, and redemption, while wrapping every word in the steady grace of God. May our writing reflect the faithfulness of God and the nearness of His kingdom, offering truth that guides and grace that restores.

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Just as God met with you in your grief, He will meet with you in your writing process. He’s not looking for perfection, just our faithful obedience. Keep pressing into our God of hope and our God of comfort and He will continually give you His truth and love, and the words He wants you to share with others.

Happy healing and happy writing with our God of all comfort and with the Author and Perfector of our faith!